An Open Letter to the One who loved me the most…

To the One who loved me the most,

Every single day, I wonder why. Of all the people in this world, why did you choose me? Why did you choose to be with me? I tried pushing you away. I kept running—chasing the things that are not even worth my time. I have been looking for love in different places—wishing that I can be the damsel in distress looking for a prince charming to rescue her. While you were continuously thinking of me, I was doing my own plans of trying to win people’s approval. While you were reaching out to me, I was busy doing things that I kept on rejecting you. I told you to stop but you kept on pursuing. Of all people, why me? You could always chase those pretty girls out there. Why did you have to choose me—a girl who has a lot of insecurities?

I have been hiding from you. I have been trying to keep you out of my life. Yet, you were there. You were never shaken. You never left. You were just there, waiting for me. You have seen me fall and stumble. You saw every ridiculous thing that I’ve done. But, you were neither discouraged nor disgusted. You were very persistent. You waited for me.

I have been betraying you for a lot of times. I have been forgetting the things you have been constantly doing for me. I have taken you for granted, yet you never cease to whisper in my ears how in love you are with me. You should be leaving me by now but you stayed and you will always stay. I remember telling you to stop loving me but you never ceased. Your love grew even more and more each day. I always think about what I have done for me to deserve you. But I figured out there is nothing that could make me worthy of your love.

Why do you have to be so patient with me? You know my past, my deepest and darkest secrets, and my flaws and imperfections. You have seen how miserable my whole life is but you still chose to love me. You still chose to be with me.

I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your love. I don’t deserve every ounce of affection that you have for me. During the days that I wish I have never met you, you still chose to hug and comfort me. You were still there for me.

I remember someone who made a promise that he’ll give me the stars, but when I stared at him, I realized he can only give me nothing but scars, scars of a past I would no longer want to look back. While you, you never said anything about stars, constellations, and galaxies but I know how capable you are of giving them to me. There was a guy who promised to give me the world. It turned out he just came to destroy mine. While you hold the earth in your hands, you never promised to give the world because you know that my worth was more than that. I remember someone telling me he’ll give me everything. Yet, it turned out to be just suffering. But you, you never said it is going to be easy but you promised to be with me.

 I am not worthy, I will never be. Yet, you showed me otherwise—that I am a princess: a precious gift, a delicate thing that should be protected.

Your love is something I could never fathom. Sometimes I would wonder why you never left, why you never gave up. There were, there are and there will be hundreds of thousands of reasons that will discourage you to love me yet, you never did. You never bothered doing so. You keep on pursuing me. You love me wholly, sincerely, and selflessly.

To the one who loved me the most, thank you. Words are not enough to express my gratitude for all that you have done for me. I owe to you everything: my life, my happiness. Without you and your unchanging love, I would have not been able to overcome every obstacle that was continuously hindering me from growing even more in our relationship. I might have been living a life of worthlessness and misery UNTIL NOW if it was not for you. Your sacrifice, the things you have been doing for me, they are worth the price even the richest man could not pay. My heart is in full joy because a friend of mine introduced me to you. For 18 years, I have only known you by name. I listened to a lot of people about who you are but I have not given my full attention to you. I was so busy feeding my insecurities that I forgot that there is Someone who appreciates me in ways I could never imagine. You have made me new, whole, and beautiful.

To the One who loved me the most, thank you for dying on the cross. Thank You for choosing to be broken to make me whole, to be bruised to make me flawless, and to be condemned to make me blameless. Jesus, thank You for enduring the pain for me. I do not need to please anyone because even before I was born, You are already pleased with me. I know that I will disappoint and hurt You as the days, weeks, and years go by but I will never let You go. NOT ANYMORE.

To Jesus Christ, the One who loved me the most, I love you, too.

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